Everything and Nothing

We are much too old to still be playing games
yet much too young to stop
We are too carefree to remember
yet too connected to forget
We are much too wise to seal the deal
yet too stupid to just walk out and leave

You are the past and the future
but never the present
You are constant and static
and at the same time very unstable
You are everything and nothing
But maybe there's no difference between the two

But You Asked For It

Here we are joking about things that really mean something to us, and telling each other things that don't mean anything at all. You and I are just another dopamine fix. Ten years ago, we could have thought we were soulmates who can rule the world as long as were together. Now we're just too busy, too jaded, too worldy, too cynical, or too hopeful that something much much better will come along. 

I ponder on everything I have missed, everything that passed me by, and everything that I never saw at all. Will I regret my choices one day? Will I wake up decades from now with nothing but a few vague and hazy memories? What if I’m investing on the wrong things? What if the things that are important to me don’t really matter to him? Or them? Whoever said the person I’m waiting for takes the shape of just a single person?
There are days when I no longer feel the rush from the anticipation of the many mysterious tomorrows to come. There are days when I wonder that maybe there is something indeed wrong with me. 
What if I’m looking at the wrong direction? Or what if we’re both looking at the same direction, making it impossible for us to see each other? Or what if—God forbid—what if I am NEVER meant to meet him? And that I should just really forget about it and focus on other things?

Restlessness

Our attention span is unsettling. We start to watch a movie, hit the pause button for a few minutes, have a cigarette break, then realize we’d like to have a steaming mug of coffee to enjoy with the cigarette, so we make ourselves one. We try to go back to watching the movie, but of course we have to check our mobile phone first for any text messages. We find out from our friend that so-and-so broke up with her longtime boyfriend, so we go online, check people’s Multiply pages, then find out that indeed, their pictures in their trip to Boracay, Macau and Puerto Galera are deleted. Then we have another cigarette…while taking a dump and shuffling through the pages of the daily paper.

We can’t do anything for a long time anymore. There is so much information available, so many choices of activities that we can’t even just sit back. Too many online personality tests have told me that I constantly seek for momentum and stimulation, intellectually and otherwise. Life is composed of short bursts of flavors, scents, sounds and sights that overwhelm the senses. Full of stories about people satiated with intrigue, fame, prestige and brilliance. Full of conversations and witty repartees and one-liners from books and films.

We start to listen/watch/eat/read something, and if it doesn’t astonish or delight us within ten minutes, we do something else, or we do something else while we continue to do it. We know we are never satisfied, never contented. Yet we can’t imagine doing things any other way.

Beauty and Brains

I remember a beauty pageant I once watched when I was a young girl. The host asked the contestant which she would prefer: beauty, brains or money. The contestant, of course, answered she would pick brains, “because if you’re smart, you can easily be both smart and rich as well.” 
Women who are both smart and beautiful will never cease to beguile. They arrest you first with their winning smile, perfect hair, long lashes and statuesque figure. Then they keep you captivated with witty conversation and insightful opinions. But consider the upkeep required for a woman to stay both beautiful and smart. The mani-pedis, the eyebrow-tweezing, the leg-waxing, the thirty minutes of daily exercise. And don’t get me started on how expensive and time-consuming it is to look for clothes to fit her body shape, and the accessories that will go well with the clothes. And of course she has to: brush up on current events and pop culture (who’s dating who, who’s getting kicked out of American Idol); know what a Pastitsio is and how to make it; know everybody from Sarah Palin to Niccolò Machiavelli to Dwayne Wayde to Perez Hilton; distinguish a princess diamond from a pear-shaped one; know what ingredients are needed to make a Screwdriver, and also know what the different types of screwdrivers are. 
Honestly speaking, I’d rather choose to be effortlessly beautiful that effortlessly smart. And when I say effortlessly, I mean, no matter what you do, you are always beautiful. An hour of primping will just make you look and feel good for eight hours max. An hour of reading the newspaper or browsing Wikipedia will go a long long way. 

When We Were Younger

When we were younger, we did silly things like wait for a phone call all day, take things personally, try to please everybody, think everyone is watching and let our emotions get the best of us. But then we realize there are things we can and should not waste time and energy worrying and thinking about, that sometimes you have to hurt people for their own good, and that no one really spends more than ten minutes gossiping about you, no matter what you do.