In a trial court somewhere in the outskirts of Metro Manila, you are out there, chain-smoking while you wait and think about the many many deadlines you have to beat. In a trial court somewhere in the outskirts of Metro Manila, you are out there, practicing and living out what I am just studying about right now. It’s been a while since I last listened to you talk about the one thousand and one worries you have about your job. The next time I’ll see you, several years from now, hopefully I will do more than listen.

We used to come and go in each other's lives, and we used to just pick up from where we left off whenever we see each other again. But now weeks and months just zip by, and I no longer wonder how you are, and I can now easily ignore your invites. Every minute spent with you was a minute taken away from the cases and pleadings you had to work on, and I used to cherish every minute. But now I can hardly remember the sound of your voice, or how my hand felt on your chest, or the way you smell when I hug you after weeks of not seeing you. All I can remember is how eating ice cream makes you happy, like a little kid, and how I never have to finish sentences when I'm taking to you, and your quiet stillness when I secretly watch you pray whenever we hear mass, and how I felt whenever we kissed while waiting for the red stoplight to turn green. All I can remember is that you changed such a big part of me, and I'm absolutely sure that I will be in a totally different place right now if I had never met you. But the image of you is slowly fading away, one memory at a time....

Of Happiness

Happiness is ever fleeting. You get what you want, you get a hit of endorphins, and you get confronted with a void again. Your idea of what's fun and exciting escalates. You seek for things that will feed all of your senses all at the same time. And when the feeling fades, your mood comes down crashing again. You make yourself busy, you pack your days with a dozen activities, and it doesn't help. Everything you do is just an interruption of the feeling of boredom and being lost.
I would take inner peace over happiness any given day.

On Beauty

John Keats said that a thing of beauty is a joy forever. Not that I'm questioning Keats, whose poem Endymion has been around for two hundred years, but beauty is not really known for just bringing joy. Prettiness brings joy. Prettiness brings a smile on your face. But prettiness is the opposite of beauty.

Beauty is vague and puzzling. It haunts and lingers. Beauty surprises. It makes you question the world. It inspires you to action. It stirs up half a dozen different emotions. It turns nos into yeses. It can push you to your limits if it wants to. You can't take your eyes off it when it's there, yet you can't seem to properly describe it when it's gone.

To-do List for 2010

- To remember that true generosity has a very poor memory.
- To be kind, for everyone I meet is fighting a hard battle. - Plato
- To always remember the paradoxical truth: everything in this earth is precious but at the same time insignificant.
- To never harbor anger, hatred and bitterness: it is inward and selfish to do so.
- To remember that keeping myself from expressing appreciation and love is also inward and selfish.
- To find out everything about something or somebody first before deciding that I don't like it/him/her.
- To remember that the only way happiness will not be fleeting is if I acquired it because I helped others.